Natural Disasters

Yesterday started out with fat free smoothies and pudding cups on the couch. I laid back in the recliner and watched the style network while everyone else went to school. I waited for snow and licked low cal pudding off my fingers and wiggled my toes in my fuzzy No-Slip red socks. When it finally started snowing a beautiful blonde that could be my sister picked me up and took me to get smoothies. Low fat strawberry goodness that wound up to be a mistake because i forgot my gloves and while it tastes like heaven coffee would have been so much warmer on this winter day. We avoided school and talked about love and beaches and high school bullshit until we snapped back to reality and looked at the clock. Second period was over and it was time to apply ourselves, time to admit there would be no snow day for these desperate spring-hungry seniors.
We took our time walking to class, stopping at lockers and shuffling our wet Ugg boots with ease. When we finally said goodbye I was alone and my footsteps echoed on the pastel colored tiles. This hallway will be swimming with teenagers in the middle of an identity crisis in a few minutes. It will smell like body odor and expensive perfume and fund raiser chocolate. It will be loud and hot and chaotic but for now it is mine. and it is quiet. and it is empty. and it smells like the shampoo at my grandmas house. so i will savor each footstep and swing my arms through that empty hall. All this lovely silence is only t.e.m.p.o.r.a.r.y.
Finally in forensics and for once I paid attention instead of doodling poetry on my hand. We talked about natural disasters and liability clauses and preventable deaths. We talked about tragedy like it was this distant faraway thing that could never touch us in our suburban fishbowl of safety. We are comfortable. We are invincible. We are untouchable. And deep down i think we all know,

that we are just fooling ourselves.

Tragedy can seep into the most clean cut universe and implode the most innocent hearts. Natural disasters happen naturally ANYWHERE. And while I will not live in ignorance I will also not live in fear. Because I believe in something bigger. something greater. something divine and nameless because my lips can't form a word for all that beauty. Something some call God, some call Love, all call upon when they are in need and on their knees and tired of desperation. Something not confined to religion, or country, or individual. Something that lives within each and every one of those confused looking sets of eyes i see day after day at my high school. It's that ease that overcomes me when I surrender to the world and know that everything is going to be alright. Everything is going to be as it should. Everything is out of my hands and that lack of control is a GLORIOUS thing. It means that all i have to do is
LIVE IN LOVE.
Nothing more. Nothing less.

After forensics the snow started to pour. Our world was coated in white and oh, it was so beautiful. But that beauty was bitter as we walked to our cars in that arctic parking lot. I couldn't breathe without swallowing snowflakes and your car door was frozen shut. I grabbed out with both hands and yanked on the handle until the ice cracked and snow fell onto my seat. We laughed and wiped it off. We drove and talked more about the scruffy faced loser every girl used to lust after. Now he is just another cocky ass hole heartbreaker and to tell you the truth
I'm not surprised.
It was only a matter of time before he realized you were too good for him. I just wish you could see it too. Stop wasting your brown eyes on someone who is blind.

On the drive home you tried to hit the breaks but the car wouldn't stop. Images flashed through my head, Alicia Keys videos about bloody loves saying goodbye in a hostpital bed and damn all that VH1 i watched this morning. I was texting my boyfriend while you were whispering "stop, stop, STOP" but we didn't stop and you could hear the crunch of metal on metal as we hit that SUV. You looked at me with an expression I've never seen before and I put my cell phone down. My hormonal boyfriend bitching came to a halt and I was suddenly filled with regret for the words i yelled at him while he sat in a college classroom. My screeching voice echoed through his phone and to tell you the truth
now i don't even remember what I was so upset about.
All my period bullshit became inconsequential and I was left with an utter appreciation for life and love and these are the mini natural disasters we avoid every day. The woman we hit was a long haired brunette but she only smiled and asked if we were okay. Thank Buddha for the friendly people still left in the world, I was anticipating furrowed brows and screaming about insurance. I'm glad I was wrong. <3