baby it's for good.

That peaceful sunday evaporated after i called you. i shouldnt have waited until the stars were so bright and the house was so quiet and i was all alone in my room. i shoulndt have dialed your number with so many expectations. i shouldn't have dialed your number at all.
before i talked to you my blonde haired prom date called me. a beautiful blast from the past and everytime i hear his voice i can breathe again. a whole summer escaped from us and i havent eaten thai food with him in far too long but laughing with him is natural.
i spilled my secrets and you lost your temper. yelling at me until you started coughing and couldn't stop. making me curl up in guilt on my purple bedspread and pull the long sleeves of your sweatshirt accross my body. hugging myself because in that moment i was the only one who could.
yes, i kissed him. a small sin compared to your nights of mayhem and forgetting to call but the tone of your voice gave me goosebumps and a craving for tea. you told me you were starting to love me again.
too bad.
you said we would work it out
you would give me a second chance,
well guess what
you can keep your second chance.
im not crawling back to you-
begging for forgiveness. we weren't even together so what my lips do on their friday nights is far from your testosterone driven concern.
i'm not going to let you hold that over my head
paint me insignifigant
reminding me of my mistake every time i leave your side. not answering my questions. hanging up on me.
you don't make me feel beautiful.special.talented.unique.appreciated.respected.orloved.
so tell me why i should answer when your ring tone fills my basement. tell me why i should text you back.give me one good reason not to rip up all those pictures of us when my teethe were so white and i believed every word out of those thin freckled lips.
i'm not listening to all those country songs that made me believe i loved you anymore.
i'm not holding onto a pretty couple. their love faded in august.
and the truth is
i fucked up once. i ran back to you. i could pretend it was because i believed you were sorry but the fact of it is that i was scared of how i felt when you weren't holding me. i needed to be needed.
i don't need anymore.
i have everything i need.
and this time when i say goodbye,
baby it's for good.