breathing in spring

I'm breathing in spring. I'm taking in pure air that smells like Olive Garden and aromatherapy and a million memories I want to carry around in a golden locket. Wrap them around my neck in a hollow heart that sits on my chest on the days when I'm not strong enough to smile on my own.

I feel the need to update the world on all this happiness. To tell them I've found reasons to sing again. Reasons like a blonde haired boy with an Australian grandma. Reasons like a best friends car to clean in cut off shorts and blue bandanas. Reasons like sunny days created for long bike rides and kiwi slushis. unlimited bread sticks and choirs full of girls who hardly know how beautiful they are. I'm attempting to capture all these lovely fragments in run-on sentences and candid pictures but my grammer is awful and my fingers cant type fast enough.

these past few days ive been letting myself live in the world and said things that i wish i could take back. ive cut up people that i love with words when they werent looking and i hope you'll still love me when im done being honost. im sorry for thinking you were annoying. im sorry that when i was sick i called and calld and called because i couldnt stand any more VH1 and i ached to hear your voice. I thought it would make me feel better but i found myself depending on blue eyes for my happiness and i never want to do that. happiness comes from me. from music. from an infinity of journals i have filled with my truth. from unfinished sketches and a sea of dreams. not from someone else. they have their own happiness to find and if i can help i will but i cant give it to them. all i can give anyone is love and these words and pray that it's enough.

next summer I'll hear wedding bells but i swear darling

i refuse to let them shatter me.

im sorry i cant smile for you yet

maybe one day I'll fit in your family picture

Until then,

i suggest you brush up on photoshop.