smells like fall

Laying on my back in the grass on this quiet Sunday afternoon.a Red ant bites me on my stomach and i flick it off before i hang up the phone with my long haired step sister. she is beautiful and free spirited and i miss her bubbly laugh. i miss her rap music.
friday night was long and smelled like fall. his backyard was filled with shaggy headed strangers with bad breath and a love of alternative bands. there were no cheese cubes like he said but the band was good and this house brings back so many memories. buck toothed me in an awkward one piece. diving into their crisp pool and trying to suck in a pudgy chocolate pudding stomach.i have had a crush on him since we were 5 and i was sleeping beauty. he kissed me softly on the lips and his strawberry blonde hair fell in freckled blue-green eyes. he had a hat covored in pins from australia and dave&busters. he was in the room when i was born and stopped talking to me when we hit puberty. things changed and our smiles hid all those uncomfortable recollections about easier times. when he was a prince and i was his princess. now here we are again and high school has made our smiles sloppy. he kissed me and after i let him i pulled away because too many thoughts of you were threatening to swallow me whole. too many thoughts of how you called me last night sounding so sick and sad. too many thoughts of us at homecoming and me in a red dress. and even if i didnt have these stupid fantasies about being with you this is not what i want. you will regret that kiss tommorow.
waking up saturday morning with a craving for cold pizza and a million pictures to download. the day dragged on and on while i cleaned the bathroom and played around with photoshop. later that night family came by and oh how i longed to make them laugh and play hillbilly golf with them- smile in their pictures and show how much i care. but my head hurts too bad and my eyes are foggy with insomnia. i fell asleep on our leather couch but an hour later my mom was waking me up to eat chicken dumplings and apple pie. God bless america. Around one in the morning my body surrendered to sleep after i lit inscense and re-read a british novel about an edgy motherless rock n roll bitch. i have no plans for today. no agenda. nothing to look forward to or dread. it is just a day. a gorgeous, slow sunday.
and all too soon it will be monday morning.