While I Live

Hours of crying on a blank canvas and praying that it came out as art. i ended up with a bunch of old Vogue pictures and snapshots from lazy childhood summers- sprawled out and scrambled and on top of all that loveliness i scribbled LOVE in a white pastel. Pearls are draped around those beautiful face, hot glue gunned down and covored in a thick layer of sparkles. Maybe its art or maybe its just a disaster but in the end it got me through another Sunday night waiting for my phone to ring or the sun to set or the right song to come on. John Mayor and The Shins sat with me on a glue covored carpet and let me miss him. It's not that I cant stand the taste of this pain. it has lingered on my lips politely for years now and i would swallow it but i would rather let it make me strong. This morning i left all those tears to yesterday and laughed out loud in a ying yang tank top. Yes I miss those bear hugs and lullabies but these jeans fit just right and it's eighty degrees and I'm tired of complaining. Tired of letting that pain get in the way of a beautiful spring. SO i will miss him while i smile. Miss him while novels spill from my fingertips. Miss him while I fall in love and find salvation in European poetry. While I cross smooth legs and bare feet and bite my nails. While i live.