I am more than content

Weeks and weeks since my last post and I'm sitting here feeling bloated in my sisters flannel pants- missing four rings from my hand that i accidentally left at his house that chaotic morning. It's strange to tell someone i love them again.

It's even stranger to mean it.

Fireworks lit up a summer sky right before the thunder cracked and I was sitting in a luke warm hot tub with three sisters i used to know so well. I am falling back into their world because part of me belongs there. We will fly to Hawaii with ipods full of new music and I will wave goodbye to my brown haired free style rapping boy toy and ask him to forgive me when I miss his birthday. I promise to help him blow out his candles after I have hulah danced on tourist beaches and laughed out loud in an island oasis.

I wish i had more to write but for now I can only tell you that this summer has brought me bittersweet independance and sloppy kisses that taste like BBQ sauce. It has brought me a freezing bedroom in the basement draped in silk scarves and army letters and a punishment i deserve. I lied to spend a night in those arms. To pretend I was a patriot and watch Star Wars with a hollister wearing college boy on the fourth of July. I lied and now I can't see those big brown eyes for weeks but i have countless seasons of Buffy on DVD to pass the time. I have a puppy who licks my cheek in the morning and a mother who steals my CDs and makes me chai tea when i need it the most. I have a best friend who knows all my favorite songs and who can sing them more in key than I ever will. I have a brother who hugs me tight around the waist and cries when i try to break away,

a sister i can tickle at midnight,

a free spirit no one will ever tie down.

I am more than content-

I am joyful.