fears of the future

It's almost midnight on a Tuesday and there are a million things I could be doing instead of sitting at this kitchen table pounding words onto my blog. Feeling my toes brush the cold tile of my grandmas condo. Licking calorie filled drops of chocolate ice cream off a tiny spoon and knowing I will regret it later.
I could be studying for exams. But of course that would be useless. These numbers have been drilled into my head for months and nothing's stuck. No, I'm not dumb. I'm actually pretty intelligent, but I can't stop my fingers from sketching peace signs on all those practice Tax Forms and Chapter Tests. I can't block out the poems streaming from my anxious pen when I should be watching pastel colored power points. I'm a hopeless dreamer and I'm praying this disease isn't fatal. This senioritis that has infected me quickly. College applications are scattered throughout my universe and I want to fill them all out perfectly but I feel much to young to answer these questions. I'm dying to be on my own, to make something of myself. To be a writer, a singer, a wish granting hippie a sight seeing gypsy a librarian who smiles with her eyes and smells like coffee. I'm aching for the world. All of it. Every inch of this pretty planet. I want to step out on my own but oh,
moving my feet seems so hard to do.
And the minutes are flying by and my eyelids are getting heavy with all this talk of the future
So I suppose it's time for me to surrender to dreams.
Tomorrow morning will come too soon and be too cold but still
i adore this reality. <3