Live in Love.

i am home from hawaiin skies, coconut bras, perverted surf instructers, midnight cheescake, chinese room service, overpriced tanning lotion that makes my skin peel. i am home from trying to mend what should have never been broken. a family with gold necklaces and six kids. two rebels, two quiet eyed angels, two wild youngsters. i will not slander their love on the internet because i am not that girl they see me as. i love them when i bite my tongue and hold back words that i should probably scream. i love them when i stopped being a hypocrite and started accepting the father he has become. i loved those siblings when i didnt even get to say goodbye. i spent hours in an airport thinking of you and hopefully one day you will be able to forgive me. hopefully one day you will be able to see i didnt mean to throw you off that sea-do so many times. i didnt mean to mumble that profanity when i slammed the hotel room door. i didnt mean to take all those pictures of you when your face was so sad and you missed me the most. you sobbed into my lap in a dark neon limo and i made promises i didnt keep. promises about being a better sister. about holding you tighter and putting you first. i fucked them up and when you come back to Ohio darling im begging you to watch Gilmore Girls with me and let me tickle your tummy. please give me another chance.
things are starting over with her now. shes moving out and falling in love with a green eyed boy who knows the words to every song and promises her the world on long distance phone calls. she is breaking just like i broke but i will be right there with her through all those sleepless nights. nothings worse than shattering alone. I will take her to downtown shops and buy ankle bracelets that jingle when we walk. we played hide and go seek in Honolulu and a neverending game of charades while we waited on a plan that wasnt coming. we will make the best of this topsy turvy world because what else can we do? Live in Love.