i'm sorry for this poem.
smile wide while you shove that greasy American Dream into your perfect Crest mouth
smile that secret smile you save for short haired waitresses and curious passers by
the ones who think we are a lovely family
a charming combination
a pretty disaster in midriff bearing shirts
with umbrellas in our drinks and fingers crossed behind our backs while we swear we are happy
i love with a passion foreign to those manicured fingers
i love with a heart you shattered and mended and promised the world
i love with a love only she understands and only we share and im sorry if this poem breaks you or makes that tan face turn fuscia with anger and hurt but underneath this teenage angst
behind this stream of conciousness bullshit
hidden within these words that i am pounding on my keyboard
is love
is pain
is an apology
im sorry i wasnt good enough to be in all those pictures
im sorry i screamed lyrics too loudly in our overpriced paradise
im sorry i coulndt make you laugh on that choppy ocean water
sorry i coulndt smother you in sentences that made you feel complete
lies about how great our life would be
deceptions that would pollute my soul ive worked so hard to bring back to life with meditation, pad thai, Elton John
i can not be the girl you want to love because she is a fantasy
a blonde haired hypocrite who bites her tongue and hates the mirror and shaves much too often
i can not be her because she smiles when she wants to cry
and when she laughs
shes really screaming.
3 comments:
When you stop trying to change into what he wants you to be... and more importantly, when you stop apologizing for not changing, you will be introduced to yourself. He might like her, he might not: But Mallory, here's a secret all grown up children find out the hard way - despite what they tell you or what they themselves believe - you are not, and were never obligated to them. You didn't come into this world owing them anything. You come from them, but you are *not* them. And that is their lesson to learn, no matter how much you want to spare them that pain. Your life is yours. Your path is *yours*. Do not apologize for being who you are and do not let them make you feel guilty. Do not take away his blame and call it your own. No matter how much you love him - he has his owns lessons to learn.
Keep breathing.
Amen, Anonymous.
You needn't apologize for who you are, beautiful bohemian soul girl.
saying your sorry for your actions . well. that would be one thing . apologizing for who you be . is just plain silly
we can't be what others want us to be . we can only be true to ourselves . and the people who love you and know you . well they see beyond the bullshit and they see the true . and they love you NO MATTER what . no matter the how . the mood the bad days
we each have a responsibility to love one another the way we are capable . everyone's capabilities are different . and everyone has a different lens
keep YOUR lens clear
and you will capture the beauty
and those who can't
well.. their loss chica
totally their loss
i screamed lyrics too loudly yesterday in the ice cream store
i threw a temper tantrum on the beach
i got mean and bitchy in the ocean
i slammed a car door
i yelled at my friends kids
and yet.. we all laughed and talked about how much we love each other and even my wise 10 year old little niece.. thanked me for being the best aunt in the world
BEYOND ALL THE BULLSHIT i had in my head .. beyond the poor behavior.. and i'm 37
see.. cause she knows real
and you can't help but love when you see the real
you are a magnificent soul girl
you keep shining
xo xo xo
d
Post a Comment